Sunday, May 15, 2011

Out of hiding.

As a kid I played with Barbies. My favorite artists were Destiny’s Child, Britney Spears, and Jennifer Lopez. The vast majority of my friends were girls. I hated all sports. 
So what right?
Once I started not being a kid anymore, and things started happening in my body, I started to have thoughts that I never had before, like every kid does at this age, except mine were different from all of the boys I knew. I ignored these thoughts that would go through my head, again and again throughout the day. Things would come into my brain and I would have to concentrate so hard to force them out. I hated myself for appreciating male beauty just as much as female. I wondered why I could never feel any attraction towards girls, no matter how hard I tried. This continued on for years. By 15, I still felt faulty; like there was something wrong with me. I wasn’t ready to face it yet.
That summer I moved to New York City, and I was suddenly surrounded by some of the most liberal people in the world. The things that I had always grown up telling myself were wrong, suddenly seemed very normal, and natural. In a new place where acceptance was passed around so freely, I was finally comfortable to truly explore my feelings. In a society that would not look down on me for being myself, no matter what that meant, I felt truly free for the first time in my life. I had finally accepted myself, and stopped pushing my true feelings away. It was an amazing feeling, like finally waking up, and realizing you could actually be happy being your true self. 
I was still young though, and I wanted to have fun and live life. I was facing some difficulties and going through some depression. I was experimenting with all of these new ways of thinking, which I needed, in order to be able to grow and get to know myself. I was free, but not really happy, or satisfied. 
Eventually I was able to get away from the different things that were bringing me down; school, people, negative influences. And with a clear brain I realized exactly what I wanted in my life. I found the answer to all of my years of self-hate; to all of the emptiness that I had felt. I realized that at such a young age, I had fallen in love. And surprise... it was a boy.

So my dear loved ones, I am gay. I always have been and I always will be. 
And I’m finally ready to be 100% open about it.


I didn't make a choice to be gay, no one can pick and choose who their heart will love. But I am making the choice to accept what I have felt since I was born. I didn't live my whole life encouraging this fact about myself to come about; just the opposite, I fought it. All that I am doing now is having the courage to accept it, and no longer live my life as a lie.

10 comments:

  1. i love you. and admire you for your strength.

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  2. What a wonderful post! I love it! and am very proud of you and your strength! (:

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  3. Soren, you are beautiful inside and out, I'm speechless seeing as how brave and fearless you are to write this. I think more people should be like you, I love you.

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  4. I'll admit I kinda knew... I wondered where our chemistry was;) you were never attracted to me. hah! when i finished this i smiled--i'm still smiling. I'm SO proud of you Soren! I LOVE YOU. you have a beautiful soul. Never again hide it. not for anyone.

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  5. Thank God for people like you.

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  6. I love this!!!

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  7. I agree with Niels. Thank you thank you thank you. I can't even explain how much I appreciate this post.

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